Mmmm, boot. So tasty. Lick lick yum.

Who keeps the metric system down?

"I'm sorry (this got out)."

That's funny, I used to know an Italian with crabs.

Of course, that's what estrogen does.

Thanks, couldn't have done it without you.

It's surprising the 90's didn't give us a "Speed on a plane" flick. Or did they?

There's Air Force One, I guess. And there's probably a Steven Seagal plane movie.

"Animated Good Internet Find" has bad adjective order, those are GAIFs now.

I don't think I've spent any money on the Epic Launcher yet but I'm happy to see them try their best. Competition is good and needed.

Save the earth

Do coke

Fun fact: the standard qwerty layout was made to slow typewriter typing down by putting common keys off the home row and apart from each other. This was done to prevent the little key arm thingies from colliding and jamming when typing quickly.

EDIT: Apparently this is not a fact

I wish I had the job security of a shitty cop.

Finally some good fucking news.

Pass the joint, bud.

Congrats you invented Rugby 2

I remember being younger than Bart. Now I'm older than Homer. Next stop: Abe.

I did competitive sex in high school. At least that's what coach called it.

Finally some good news.

Yeah, I had the same problem. Felt like it never fully healed.

I had one ring for about ten years and I don't think it was ever noticeable through a t-shirt unless I pointed it out.