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Great detective work, you found my wife's account. Get a life
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Means a lot, thank you
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thanks, ya I actually set out for this site to be clean, apolitical satire about kids and parenting. a friend suggested this idea for an article and while i'm personally liberal, i can see humor in both sides. I by no means means aspire to be like babylon bee. There is, unfortunately, a ton of negativity in this sub dedicated to humor.
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dude i run this website by myself as a side hobby and google adsense doesn't come close to covering the monthly web hosting so i am definitely too cheap to pay an artist at this point. I'd love to pay an artist someday if it were to make money
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it is in that style for sure. It's the first political article I wrote for the site so I'm interested to see how it goes!
In an unprecedented move, 13-year-old Brandon “Tired Bones” Hayden announced yesterday that he will be stepping down from his longstanding position as Commander and Chief of Chores. Citing reasons of fatigue, mental decline, and bad golf scores. Brandon does not have the power to appoint his successor but since he only has one sibling, his 10 year old sister Carmella is the only logical choice given such short notice. The decision came after months of speculation and whispers around the dinner table about Brandon’s ability to maintain the rigorous standards of chore duty established during his tenure. Neighbors and family members alike have noted his frequent confusion, increase in naps and tendency to stare blankly at the wall. Carmella, who has been serving as the backup chores officer, expressed her readiness to take on the new role. “I’ve been in training for years,” she said “I know I have some orthopedic shoes to fill, but I’m confident I can make our household clean again.” Read the rest of this satire news article and more at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/08/13/teenage-boy-announces-he-will-step-down-from-chore-duties-younger-sister-takes-the-reins/)
In an unprecedented move, 13-year-old Brandon “Tired Bones” Hayden announced yesterday that he will be stepping down from his longstanding position as Commander and Chief of Chores. Citing reasons of fatigue, mental decline, and bad golf scores. Brandon does not have the power to appoint his successor but since he only has one sibling, his 10 year old sister Carmella is the only logical choice given such short notice. The decision came after months of speculation and whispers around the dinner table about Brandon’s ability to maintain the rigorous standards of chore duty established during his tenure. Neighbors and family members alike have noted his frequent confusion, increase in naps and tendency to stare blankly at the wall. Carmella, who has been serving as the backup chores officer, expressed her readiness to take on the new role. “I’ve been in training for years,” she said “I know I have some orthopedic shoes to fill, but I’m confident I can make our household clean again.” Read the rest of this satire news article and more at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/08/13/teenage-boy-announces-he-will-step-down-from-chore-duties-younger-sister-takes-the-reins/)
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Haha yes I could see that being confusing if you're looking at the current pic 😁
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Thank god I wasn't that dumb, I would have died from embarrassment
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I 100% agree so it makes this story even better.
A friend and his wife were at a social event and his wife was very early in pregnancy, they had only told their parents at this point. A 70-something year old man in a suit walks up to them out of the blue and says congratulations. They are taken aback because they didn't even consider him referring to the pregnancy. He goes on to say he is a retired obstetrician and because of years of experience can just tell.
Ballsy move by the doc but he sure did know his stuff.
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He was very embarrassed but it very well could have not been for him personally. Either way it was a dumbass thing to say!
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He was very embarrassed and went for the adult diapers. My 17 year old gangly, awkward self didn't help the situation at all either.
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In highschool I worked at a pharmacy. 30-something man looks lost so I ask him if I can help him find something. He says diapers and I assume he's a father so I stupidly say "the adult ones are right down there but you don't need those ha ha, the baby diapers are down aisle 1"
You can guess the rest of the story...
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while clutching a bath toy in each hand with a death grip
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5 y/o, 2y/o and a dog here, I feel your pain! 😆
You're right, I forgot to include events that test parents' sanity and mental fortitude. That would really break the parents that are skating through the events due to their natural athletic ability.
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due to feedback, i ditched the AI image and replaced it with a stock photo. I'll add an Edit note to the post to make sure its more clear.
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no i understood! i started it with a 'thank you' but i could see how you could think that. I obviously am fluent in sarcasm or i wouldn't have this website.
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Hey thanks for the feedback.
I think you're severely underestimating how much AI is used in what you read daily that is not disclosed. I assure you writers at Reuters, Fox News, The Onion, etc use AI to assist in writing/editing articles. (emphasis on assist as myself nor any respected journalist would copy/paste a whole AI article). Every company is leveraging AI tools and I run this website by myself so of course I will too. Even both my wife and my corporate jobs at different companies have both had presentations on how to use AI effectively and safely for our jobs.
AI isn't nuanced enough for satire but I find it very helpful taking my ideas and helping form it into the formulaic style of a news article.
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ty, i'd love to pay for custom art/photos for articles someday but the website is just run by myself as a side hobby so needing to use the free options for now.
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It's my website and sorry to hear you don't like it. I found there are niche satire onion-like websites for many different topics such as sports, concerts, gaming, etc but none for parenting so I'm giving it a shot.
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I have a hard time finding free stock photos for my articles at times so sometimes I use AI. Apologies Edit: I'll follow what the votes say and change the pic to the stock photo I was originally considering, thanks for the feedback
Parents worldwide have proposed a new group of events that showcase the everyday heroics required to raise children. These proposed events promise to be as grueling as the triathlon. **1. The Family Dog Walk** The Family Dog Walk combines canine management with child safety in a chaotic, high-stakes event. Participants must walk two untrained dogs on leashes while pushing a stroller and ensuring a toddler doesn't dart into oncoming traffic. This event requires world-class coordination, iron-clad patience, and the reflexes of a professional athlete. Extra points for picking up dog poop without the stroller rolling away. **2. The Toddler PJ Wrestling Match** Inspired by the ancient art of Greco-Roman wrestling, the Toddler PJ Wrestling Match challenges parents to wrestle a wriggling toddler into a pair of zip-up pajamas that are at least one size too small. Competitors must contend with the notorious "alligator roll," where the toddler thrashes and flails with the agility of a gazelle. Points are awarded for speed, technique, and completing the match without the parent or toddler crying. Read the rest of this article and more at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/08/05/5-new-olympic-events-submitted-by-parents/) **EDIT: Changed article picture to stock photo due to feedback**
Parents worldwide have proposed a new group of events that showcase the everyday heroics required to raise children. These proposed events promise to be as grueling as the triathlon. **1. The Family Dog Walk** The Family Dog Walk combines canine management with child safety in a chaotic, high-stakes event. Participants must walk two untrained dogs on leashes while pushing a stroller and ensuring a toddler doesn't dart into oncoming traffic. This event requires world-class coordination, iron-clad patience, and the reflexes of a professional athlete. Extra points for picking up dog poop without the stroller rolling away. **2. The Toddler PJ Wrestling Match** Inspired by the ancient art of Greco-Roman wrestling, the Toddler PJ Wrestling Match challenges parents to wrestle a wriggling toddler into a pair of zip-up pajamas that are at least one size too small. Competitors must contend with the notorious "alligator roll," where the toddler thrashes and flails with the agility of a gazelle. Points are awarded for speed, technique, and completing the match without the parent or toddler crying. Read the rest of this article and more at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/08/05/5-new-olympic-events-submitted-by-parents/) **EDIT: Changed article picture to stock photo due to feedback**
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Despite all my rage I'm still just a poss in a cage 🎸
As a mother, I often face unrealistic expectations and judgments from others regarding my parenting choices. However, there is one thing I absolutely refuse to worry about: matching my kids’ socks. I don’t give a sock, and you shouldn’t either. I am well aware that some people may view mismatched socks as sloppy or lazy. Well, guess what? Keep your opinions to yourself, Karen. I don’t criticize your crippling Xanax addiction or your outdated Capri pants. Where’s the flood, Karen? Just the other day, a father at preschool drop-off had the audacity to comment on my child’s socks. Oh, wow, Mr. Sock Gestapo, congratulations on your heroic mission to police the world of socks. Maybe you should report me to the Sock Police for a “sock wellness check.” And while you’re at it, go home to your wife, Kyle, instead of cheating on her. Read the rest of this satire news article and more at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/06/05/i-dont-care-my-kid-has-mismatched-socks-and-you-shouldnt-either/)
I was interested why I saw her during the day. I googled it and sounds like they sometimes need to stay up during the day to care for and feed their babies. Sounds a lot like humans with newborns. Apparently, babies of all species keep their mamas' awake!
**5 Summer Activities Sure to Ruin Your Lawn** Summer is here, and that means one thing: it’s time to watch in horror as your lawn turns into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why fight it? Embrace the inevitable chaos with these five activities guaranteed to obliterate that golf course-caliber lawn you’ve been working years on. You might as well lay down wood chips and call it a day, because those little savages will destroy it by fall one way or another. **1. Slip and Slide** Ah, the slip and slide – the classic summer activity that promises fun, laughter, and a lawn that looks like it hosted a mud-wrestling tournament. After a few hours of kids hurling themselves down a plastic sheet at breakneck speed, your once-lush grass will be nothing more than a distant memory. The combination of water and trampling is sure to create a muddy disaster zone. Just remember, mud is nature’s way of saying, “You never really liked grass that much anyway.” Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/07/16/5-summer-activities-sure-to-ruin-your-lawn/)
**5 Summer Activities Sure to Ruin Your Lawn** Summer is here, and that means one thing: it’s time to watch in horror as your lawn turns into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why fight it? Embrace the inevitable chaos with these five activities guaranteed to obliterate that golf course-caliber lawn you’ve been working years on. You might as well lay down wood chips and call it a day, because those little savages will destroy it by fall one way or another. **1. Slip and Slide** Ah, the slip and slide – the classic summer activity that promises fun, laughter, and a lawn that looks like it hosted a mud-wrestling tournament. After a few hours of kids hurling themselves down a plastic sheet at breakneck speed, your once-lush grass will be nothing more than a distant memory. The combination of water and trampling is sure to create a muddy disaster zone. Just remember, mud is nature’s way of saying, “You never really liked grass that much anyway.” Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/07/16/5-summer-activities-sure-to-ruin-your-lawn/)
This week, a groundbreaking advancement in drone technology has overbearing parents nationwide sighing in relief and children hiding in terror. Drone manufacturer HoverHawk released their latest product: the Helicopter Parent, a drone designed to provide around-the-clock, relentless supervision of your soon to be traumatized children. The Helicopter Parent, a sleek black quadcopter, comes equipped with the latest in surveillance technology, including 4K cameras, facial recognition, and a megaphone for issuing real-time scoldings from your smartphone. The new drone can hover silently or employ a “gentle hum” setting for those who prefer a more constant, oppressive presence, also features thermal imaging for night-time monitoring and a proximity alert system that sounds an alarm if a child steps outside a designated area, such as their front yard, school, or out of arm’s reach of a parent. Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/07/09/new-helicopter-parent-drone-takes-overbearing-parenting-to-new-heights/)
This week, a groundbreaking advancement in drone technology has overbearing parents nationwide sighing in relief and children hiding in terror. Drone manufacturer HoverHawk released their latest product: the Helicopter Parent, a drone designed to provide around-the-clock, relentless supervision of your soon to be traumatized children. The Helicopter Parent, a sleek black quadcopter, comes equipped with the latest in surveillance technology, including 4K cameras, facial recognition, and a megaphone for issuing real-time scoldings from your smartphone. The new drone can hover silently or employ a “gentle hum” setting for those who prefer a more constant, oppressive presence, also features thermal imaging for night-time monitoring and a proximity alert system that sounds an alarm if a child steps outside a designated area, such as their front yard, school, or out of arm’s reach of a parent. Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/07/09/new-helicopter-parent-drone-takes-overbearing-parenting-to-new-heights/)
In a bold move that is set to send shockwaves through their upper-middle-class suburban community, local mother Karen Slawson has made the decision to enroll her son, Timmy, in Krav Maga classes. “Krav Maga is a gruesome martial art developed by the Israeli Defense Force, known for its no-holds-barred approach to self-defense,” explained Tal Golan, a local Krav Maga instructor. “It’s an ideal martial art to teach young children because if they happen to cause severe harm to a classmate, their age protects them from being tried as adults.” Karen elaborated on her decision, stating, “Krav Maga’s uncompromising brutality is precisely what Timmy needs to assert himself during recess at Edina Elementary. I don’t care if Timmy has to knee groins, punch throats, or gouge eyes. My son is no longer messing around.” Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/06/02/local-mother-enrolls-son-brutal-israeli-martial-art-of-krav-maga/)
In a suburban home strikingly similar to every other house on the block, local mom Karen Patterson has reportedly issued her 487th consecutive threat that she will undoubtedly not follow through. Witnesses report that it’s not just her two children that know the local mom is full of empty threats, the whole school knows. “I mean it this time, I will count to three and if you don’t clean up your toys, there will be consequences,” Patterson lied with a conviction that was immediately called into question by both her children and even the family’s misbehaved beagle. Counting to three, which has been a staple in the Patterson household, frequently ends with Karen giving up and scrolling through Instagram on her phone. Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/11/25/stop-or-ill-say-stop-again-yells-mom-known-for-empty-threats/)
After seven long months of exile from his beloved dog park, a Golden Retriever named Bark Twain, has expressed his grievances, saying that while baby food scraps are a decent consolation, they are “nowhere close to sniffing 14 butts in a row.” Bark Twain, 5, a previously pampered canine, enjoyed a pre-baby life filled with Frisbee catches, belly rubs, and almost daily visits to the local dog park. That all changed when the Twain family introduced a tiny, squealing human named Max into the household. Read the rest of the satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/08/26/family-dog-has-not-been-to-the-dog-park-since-baby-was-born/)
In a surprising twist that has sent shockwaves through the educational television community, beloved children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel has officially taken over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. The first order of business? Retiring the iconic overalls for a collection of cozy cardigans that would make your grandma jealous. The announcement was made during a special episode where Ms. Rachel serenaded the audience with a heartwarming rendition of “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” leaving millions of toddlers confused and nostalgic adults thrilled. Read the rest of the satire news article [here on TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/06/25/ms-rachel-trades-her-overalls-for-a-cardigan-as-she-takes-over-mr-rogers-neighborhood/)
In a surprising twist that has sent shockwaves through the educational television community, beloved children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel has officially taken over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. The first order of business? Retiring the iconic overalls for a collection of cozy cardigans that would make your grandma jealous. The announcement was made during a special episode where Ms. Rachel serenaded the audience with a heartwarming rendition of “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” leaving millions of toddlers confused and nostalgic adults thrilled. Read the rest of the satire news article [here on TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/06/25/ms-rachel-trades-her-overalls-for-a-cardigan-as-she-takes-over-mr-rogers-neighborhood/)
Nosey local woman, Sofia Snoopington, spent the better part of Saturday morning staring out of her living room window, pondering the profound question that she assumes the whole neighborhood is wondering: Is Shelby Stashmore next door having a yard sale, or has her family intervened with a hoarding intervention? “I mean, the signs are all there,” Snoopington pondered, a half-empty, bedazzled Shelby cup of coffee in hand as she squinted at the eclectic collection of items strewn across Shelby Stashmore’s lawn. “But is it really a yard sale, or is this just her loved ones attempting to Marie Kondo her life in one chaotic event?” Read the rest of the hilarious satire news article [here at TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/02/08/woman-contemplates-whether-neighbor-is-organizing-a-yard-sale-or-undergoing-a-hoarding-intervention/)
6-year-old Mark Buffet has posed a question that has left his mother, Nancy Buffet, both bewildered and concerned: “Mom, are there any other fairies like the Tooth Fairy that pay money for human body parts?” The question reportedly arose yesterday morning after Mark found $5 under his pillow in exchange for his latest lost tooth, sparking an entrepreneurial curiosity about the potential fortune he could make if something like the appendix fairy exists. Read the rest of the satire news article [here on TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/06/19/are-there-other-fairies-like-the-tooth-fairy-that-pay-money-for-human-body-parts-asks-child-to-shocked-mom/)
6-year-old Mark Buffet has posed a question that has left his mother, Nancy Buffet, both bewildered and concerned: “Mom, are there any other fairies like the Tooth Fairy that pay money for human body parts?” The question reportedly arose yesterday morning after Mark found $5 under his pillow in exchange for his latest lost tooth, sparking an entrepreneurial curiosity about the potential fortune he could make if something like the appendix fairy exists. Read the rest of the satire news article [here on TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/06/19/are-there-other-fairies-like-the-tooth-fairy-that-pay-money-for-human-body-parts-asks-child-to-shocked-mom/)
In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment. Sources close to the situation reported that the father muttered, “Big deal, anyone can catch a bluegill. They’re practically brain-dead and will bite anything you throw at them, even a bare hook. It’s not like he caught a trophy bass or anything worth bragging about.” Read the rest of the hilarious satire news article here at [TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/06/19/bluegill/)
In a scene not too uncommon in today’s world, local dad Alan Devlin reassured his high school son, Keith, with an enthusiastic “You got this!” to cover for having absolutely no idea how to help him with his Algebra homework. Keith, a sophomore at Quadratic High, initially welcomed his dad’s encouragement. “At first, I thought he was just trying to boost my confidence,” Keith said. "But then I realized he had absolutely no clue what he was talking about when he started using phrases like “x equals whatever you want it to be” and “Try dividing by zero.” Read the rest of the satire news article [here on TattletaleTimes.com](https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2024/06/01/you-got-this-ensures-father-who-doesnt-know-how-to-help-with-his-sons-algebra-homework/)
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Tattletale Times
tattletaletimes@ lemmy.worldYour go-to source for hilarious satire news on the chaotic world of parenting. TattletaleTimes.com
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